fuck your aforementioned shoe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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