You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
