So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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