Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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