Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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