So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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