Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
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