He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
