She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
