Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize