I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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