I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Houston, we have a blender
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
