you guys were way drunker than both of me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
