At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize