Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
