I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
