I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
