Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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