Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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