As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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