Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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