sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
