I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
