Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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