This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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