idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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