you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize