i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
