He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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