Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
