I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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