and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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