We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
