drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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