I want to stick my p in your. b.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
