I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
