dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize