Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
