now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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