last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize