yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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