he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
