matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
