my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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