Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
