That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
