So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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