She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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