Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
