i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
