If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Damn victory sex feels great
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
