I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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