I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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