my shit smells like andre
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
