You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
