u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
