Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
