dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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