when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
