You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
