You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
