Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
