Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
