Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
