I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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